Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
