she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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