Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
