I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
