I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
