yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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