Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
