I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Text me some of your sweat
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