Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
