Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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