atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
