I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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