I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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