It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
