Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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