Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i think i just lost a toe
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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