WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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