If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
