she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
