So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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