have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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