I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
