I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
