3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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