I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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