i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
