I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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