My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
