i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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