i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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