I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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