she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
