perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
