Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
