Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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