Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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