I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
