i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
