we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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