hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
