im so drunk with asians
where?
always
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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