You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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