How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
