Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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