I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
