Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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