I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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