you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
