mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
