i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
