Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
