Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
